I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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