But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
