you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
