5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
