I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
