Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
