I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
