Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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