all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
