so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
