Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize