I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize