I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
