Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
