He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
