i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Randomize
