Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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