Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
