she was so not down for the gang bang
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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