wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
