spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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