I just threw up on my dentist
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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