meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
is that a dick in a sweater?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
