We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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