OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I would ride that face into the sunset
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
