Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
