i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
