I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My ATM looks so different sober.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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