I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
