Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
