Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
