Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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