the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Did we literally take a cab across the street
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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