guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
