we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
