somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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