It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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