If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
