The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize