So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
