Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
