watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
