sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Drunk is not a location!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
