yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
