I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
