Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
