wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
