Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize