It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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