Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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