pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You're like the curious george of whores
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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