I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
