They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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