hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
