hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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