He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
