GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My vagina is very pro this idea
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
