i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
