I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
