absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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