How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
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