thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize