you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
