BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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