i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
