She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
