i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
