Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize