I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
