My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize