Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
