Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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