im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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