I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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