That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
