and she was petting her beer can
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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