never play flip cup with pint glasses
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
