He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
