RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize