just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
