dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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