Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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