My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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