he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
