I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize