Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
