Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
