So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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