Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
