I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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