I think my vagina is haunted
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
