went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
