Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
