both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize