i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
