So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
