the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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