Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
