we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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