someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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