I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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