Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Randomize