He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
