Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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