I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Green mimosas i think yes
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
