My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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