ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
