Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
