just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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