He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
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