its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
