i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
