I'm so fucking centered right now
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
