i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize