No awkward lesbian experiences without me
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
