im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
