something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
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