fuck your aforementioned shoe
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
