you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize