Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My life is pants optional.
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